Into the system…

blogging, work, mental health, therapy, disability, benefits and more…

not in the mood…

with 5 comments

I’ve sat looking at wordpress for most of the morning, but don’t seem to have any motivation to write. I feel in limbo. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I should be trying to find a dress for our work summer party – a trip to the races, but I’m not even sure if I should go. I am meant to be off work due to sickness after all and no doubt will get too many stupid questions. I want to though. I should be organising the damn thing, but I’m obviously not. Would be disappointing to miss it though. I miss everyone from work. Work is a conundrum for me at the moment that I don’t know how to solve. I should be considering going back, but it scares me. My line manager and HR have a meeting about me today. I have no idea what they are going to discuss and what they think. I’m scared.

As well as a dress I also need a swimming costume – desperately want to start swimming again – I used to swim a few miles a week when at Uni, but my current costume is so worn it’s seethrough – not a pleasant sight!! Difficult though as my body is long and not exactly small – I either struggle with body length or not enough support for my ample chest! I’m not exactly built for bikinis so I can’t get around the body length thing that way!

Most people would think being off work and going shopping is a dream – for me it’s a nightmare. My HR rep keeps saying if she was off that’s what she’d do. I’d rather just stay in bed all day, but my other half is still adamant that I am best getting out of the house and doing things. I try to tell him I’m not, but he doesn’t listen. I’m still hiding how I’m feeling from him a lot. I just can’t get out of the habit. I miss seeing people though. It’s lonely at home.

I think I’m going to head into Manchester though just to do something. Already tried Stockport, Trafford Centre and Warrington to no avail! Manchester is my last hope. I miss living in Manchester city centre. It was so much easier. Now I have to either drive to the tram and park and ride or drive into town and spend a fortune on parking. Not sure which is the most attractive option today. None of course.

Anyway I should go. This isn’t exactly stimulating reading.

p.s. Listen to the Langley Sisters. My big discovery at Glastonbury. We saw them twice and I’ve been listening to the four tracks on their myspace on repeat since I got back. They’re amazingly talented sisters and had only done a couple gigs before their Glastonbury sets. Really want to see them again!

Written by intothesystem

Wednesday, 2nd July 2008 at 12:35 pm

5 Responses

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  1. Could you stay off work but communicate by instant messenger, that way have the communication with out the stress and pressure of work? That’s the way i would do it. Definitely don’t go back to work until you feel really ready, and stay in bed if that’s what you need to.
    Also, don’t feel pressured to spill the beans on how you’re feeling if it’s not comfortable to do that – habits are hard to break and it takes time to build up trust that you’ll be understood. Good luck with the shopping!

    The Chuckle

    Wednesday, 2nd July 2008 at 12:59 pm

  2. Did you go in the end? Ironically, I went into the city centre today for the first time in ages too. Was meeting a friend, and then wandered about aimlessly, trying to find some interest in life. Someone’s nicked my enjoyment of things again. It was a sunny day though.

    Swimming costume wise – can you wear t-shirts at the pool? It’s not aerodynamic, but it’s better than nothing (or threadbare costumes!).


    Wednesday, 2nd July 2008 at 5:38 pm

  3. Chuckle – I am staying semi in-touch with msn, but my boss is of the opinion he should pretty much ignore me and not talk to me if I’m off work sick. He doesn’t understand I appreciate the contact and would rather know I’m missed than be ignored. I’ve tried to give him some hints but he isn’t taking them. A couple nice people have been in touch and I appreciate that though. I also know they have been having meetings about me and not keeping me informed of what’s going on – my team is changing whilst I’m away and I haven’t been informed of any of the decisions or been asked to contribute – annoying as if I return I will probably become someone’s line manager and I’d quite like to have some say in who it will be!!

    hmm I’ll write more about this sometime – I have a lot to write about in terms of work-related frustration.

    Chouette – I did go in the end. I wandered with an aim and failed. damn. I need to see people – going mad just seeing no one but my bloke.


    Wednesday, 2nd July 2008 at 10:11 pm

  4. Just listened to the langley sisters, they are rather good. Hope you have better luck on the swimming costume front soon. Hannah X


    Thursday, 3rd July 2008 at 1:51 am

  5. I hope you manage to get some feedback soon, the worst thing in the world is to know all these things are going on but not be getting any info!

    The Chuckle

    Thursday, 3rd July 2008 at 7:09 am

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