Into the system…

blogging, work, mental health, therapy, disability, benefits and more…

more of the same…

with 3 comments

My life seems to be an endless stream of pointless days, filled with nausea, headaches and boredom. I sit at my laptop, trying to stave off the nausea that threatens almost constantly, refreshing three pages continuously, waiting for information to appear.

As always, I’m trying to write, but struggling to get my thoughts down. I seem to be collecting draft posts with one or two lines in them.

I am fed up of waiting to feel better. Three and a half weeks of mind-control pills and nothing seems to have changed much. I have just added side effects to the constant up and down and endless negative thoughts.

Last night, I’d returned to my state as a crumpled-up ball of agitated energy, fidgeting constantly and unable to slow down my thoughts. I had to retire to the spare room, where I could drum my fingers to my hearts content and stare out the window at the stars and clouds, waiting for daylight. I got some sleep, but I don’t think there was much. I wanted so desperately to sleep so I could get some respite from the endless nausea.

Today, the agitation has settled down a bit, although I can still feel the tension and energy bubbling away in the background. My thoughts are still far from clear, but are not the constant barrage that they were in the night. I am tired of this continual cycle. I am tired of everything.

Written by intothesystem

Tuesday, 12th August 2008 at 11:51 am

3 Responses

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  1. I’ve already started tonguing my meds and flushing them away, the sickness is too much. I don’t want to be sat around feeling sick, it’s not a nice feeling to have when you’re high, or in your case low. I want to run around, besides I don’t think I need the pills. I’m dandy. I’m magic.

    I know the tired of it all feeling all to well especially from a few weeks ago. All I can say is keep going, you want to see me right? x


    Tuesday, 12th August 2008 at 1:37 pm

  2. I think maybe you have allowed plenty of time to see some change in yourself with the meds, so it may be time to go back to the GP to talk about trying something different…

    Hang on in there, it will get better x


    Tuesday, 12th August 2008 at 6:24 pm

  3. Em – You know what I had to say about your lack of medication compliance so I won’t say it again ;)

    Alison – I am starting to think the same about the meds. I have an appointment on Monday at the docs, so I guess it’s see what happens then.


    Wednesday, 13th August 2008 at 4:48 pm

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