Into the system…

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Should I go…?

with 4 comments

I have an appointment to see my GP later. I don’t really know why I am going. I originally made the appointment to sort out medication, but then realised I needed to get the prescription last week before my All I Can Eat Certificate expired. I managed to get that sorted out by asking one of the other doctors to do the repeat and adjust my dosage (as requested by Dr G). This means the main impetus for seeing Dr. N is gone. I do need another sick note as I forgot to get one last time I saw him and my current one is out of date, but that’s not all that important. I don’t want to feel like I am wasting his time, yet I still want to see him. Considering I’d do anything to avoid doctors appointments in the past it’s funny that today I want to go and I don’t really have a reason to be there. Yes, I am actually ill, but there’s not much he can do. It’s probably as useful as going to the doctors with a cold. I feel like I am not worthy of his time.

I don’t really know what to say. I’ve been shaky over the past few days and up and down. I was very restless and agitated on Saturday morning. My partner battled with me to try and get me to sit still and calm down, but the more he tried, the more I found myself resisting. I was giggly and unable to stay still. I just wanted to be on the go and doing things. I didn’t want to stop, as my mind was racing. This was short-lived and by evening I felt very drained. I was very low in the evening and felt withdrawn. This mood continued on Sunday, although I was a little better by afternoon. We visited my relatives (Grandma and Aunts), which was weird, as they still do not know about my illness. White lies about work were necessary to keep up the illusion and I hate it. I know I should tell them, but I don’t know where to start. This side of the family are not known for their sympathy towards depression.

So, what do I say to my GP? I wonder if I should just cancel, but I find myself not wanting to. I want to see him, although I don’t know why. I wonder if he can just give me a bit of moral support. I think I need some encouragement to get me through the next few days. I’m tired and fed up of this endless depression. I am frustrated about treatment. I think I need someone sensible to convince me things will change, although I don’t know how much use he will be. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know where to start.

4 Responses

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  1. *hugs* I’d go, and good luck xx


    Monday, 22nd December 2008 at 1:21 pm

  2. They’re not just there to dole out prescriptions so go and make the most of the support that you can get – nothing to lose and maybe it’ll help? take care :D

    The Chuckle

    Monday, 22nd December 2008 at 2:04 pm

  3. Thanks guys. I went. It was nice to see him.


    Monday, 22nd December 2008 at 5:23 pm

  4. I can understand how you are feeling especially about wanting to go and see the doctor but your not sure that you are worthy of their time or what you really want to talk about, I often felt the same and I still do…

    As for the white lies I am still telling me I am at work and it’s 18 months since I left because of my health, there are still people close to me like my distant family and godmother that have no idea about my mental health and right now I don’t think I am ready to tell them!

    Take care of yourself…


    Monday, 22nd December 2008 at 10:11 pm

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