Into the system…

blogging, work, mental health, therapy, disability, benefits and more…

Is it helping…?

with 6 comments

I’m fed up of people asking me if I think the ECT is helping. I really don’t think it is yet, but I hope that it will eventually. I keep being asked if I think it is. Dr Shock said she thinks I’m looking brighter. I don’t feel brighter. My bloke said he thinks I’m a bit chirpier. I don’t feel chirpy. I think it is just my mask confusing matters and hiding how I really feel.

Today, we had a walk as part of our afternoon therapy session. I wouldn’t have been safe on my own. I saw a broken glass bottle and I wanted to pick up the pieces and shred my arms with it. I saw a load of holly berries and I wanted to try and eat a load and see what would happen. I just still don’t want to be here. I don’t know if I dare admit that as I’m already on high level observations and high risk level. I’m going for a meal with my parents and bloke this evening. They’ve come to the relatives support group again. I think they must have found it helpful. I just don’t know if I trust myself but I don’t want to let my family down so I’ll just have to try and be good. I don’t want to be good though.

Anyway. I need to stop writing this on my mobile. It’s making my fingers ache! Take care everyone. X

Written by intothesystem

Tuesday, 17th March 2009 at 7:10 pm

6 Responses

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  1. You take care too xx


    Tuesday, 17th March 2009 at 7:49 pm

  2. Glad you’re still here lovely even if you’re not so sure. Keep going xxx


    Tuesday, 17th March 2009 at 8:47 pm

  3. Take it easy on yourself, OK?


    Wednesday, 18th March 2009 at 11:54 am

  4. Take care, Hannah X


    Wednesday, 18th March 2009 at 7:38 pm

  5. ((hugs))

    DeeDee Ramona

    Thursday, 19th March 2009 at 12:13 am

  6. Thanks everyone. It’s not easy is it?


    Thursday, 19th March 2009 at 1:47 pm

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