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Assisted Suicide…

with 5 comments

Yesterday, a conversation with my sister got me thinking. She was telling me about someone she knows whose son fell several stories from a window in a tragic accident and he is now tetraplegic and currently unable to talk. We were talking about how that would leave him with no quality of life and that we’d rather be dead than be left in that situation.

The conversation then moved onto assisted suicide, because he of course is so disabled he would not be in the position to take his own life. It probably comes of no surprise that I agree with assisted suicide and would support it in this case. I think a lot of people would agree with me in this case and for other chronic physical conditions.

However, I wonder how many people will agree with me that assisted suicide is the logical outcome for someone with a severe chronic mental condition too. I feel as if I am teetering on the edge of falling into that category. I feel as if my condition is affecting my quality of life such that life is not worth living and I am potentially facing the fact that I am living with a severe and chronic condition.

I am currently holding on with the hope that my new medication might be able to help, but I have little hope. I’ve tried so many medications I’ve lost count (It’s around 20!). How is this one going to make any difference? I feel as if I wouldn’t be able to hold on if I was given the choice, but I am not.

I am still absorbing my new diagnosis. I saw Dr G today and she said that she was leaning towards the same conclusion of Dr P and is going to follow his recommendations. I am trying to hold onto the hope that this is a positive thing, because it gives me a label to understand and finally means that there will be a change of tactics in terms of treatment, but I am struggling to handle the thoughts that bipolar II means that I will be struggling with this for life. Even if we find a way to manage the condition better than we do right now and if this episode eventually passes, it is still likely that I will go through further periods of depression and will again feel as crap as I have done over the past year.

I am not being discharged for a week now. We were thinking Friday, but with a medication change, next Wednesday seems better. That is when my insurance runs out, so is the logical end for the admission. I cannot afford to self-fund any longer and I have been here so long, a full ten weeks, that I have done most of the therapy on offer here and I’m starting to get bored. It is time to move on, but preparation for discharge is difficult and stressing me out. I am anxious about leaving and entering the real world. There is a lot for me to handle out there and I’m not sure I can manage it. Time will tell.

5 Responses

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  1. I can empathise… I’m currently transitioning back home after a six week admission to an NHS psychiatric ward. Would of loved to have been at The Priory, there’s one less than a mile up the road, spent time there as an adolescent when there were no NHS beds… luxury. Anyway, I digress, from someone who’s going through something similar, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Do what you feel able to and don’t think in terms of ‘shoulds’. Blimey… hope that doesn’t sound too preachy just wanted to offer you some support. It’s a difficult time.


    Tuesday, 21st April 2009 at 5:31 pm

  2. *hugs*


    Tuesday, 21st April 2009 at 10:30 pm

  3. Remember that when you leave hospital, every facet of existence will take a lot more work – this is because he hospital environment is designed to have zero distractions and be maximally therapeutic.

    The day after I left hospital last year, just going to the newsagents around the corner to get a pint of milk exhausted me such that I could do nothing else all day.

    You are actually using a lot of additional energy once you leave to process sounds, sights etc in your environment so this makes you very tired. It’s not a deterioration nor a sign that you are inadequate.


    DeeDee Ramona

    Tuesday, 21st April 2009 at 10:39 pm

  4. The flaw in that way of thinking is that it leaves no room for hope. And there is always hope, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

    Take care xx


    Tuesday, 21st April 2009 at 10:50 pm

  5. I am all for assisted suicide, either for someone who is sick they are not going to get better or for someone who is mentally ill that they want to give up because they are to screwed to continue fighting the endless battle. It’s what’s brought me to how I am feeling now… I’ve had 10+ years of people not listening and even now I am feeling the same and I’ve reached a point at 31 where enough is enough, I am just not strong enough to fight it now.

    I think you have done so well L to handle the new DX and the new meds and I only hope it’s a real turning point for you in getting better, I have everything crossed for you. Take care and stay strong x


    Friday, 24th April 2009 at 8:18 pm

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