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I'm Nervous…

with 13 comments

Tomorrow I have two important meetings and I have no idea what I want to say at either of them. I find myself sitting here, wanting to write, wanting to find some coherance, wanting to untangle the mess of thoughts in my head. I don’t want to go into either meeting unprepared, yet the uselessness of my brain leaves me with little choice as I sit here stuck, unable to express myself. I’m mute.

The first meeting is scaring me the most. My psychiatrist’s secretary called on Thursday to book a meeting with my partner. I was not in, so he booked the appointment. I do not know why the appointment has been requested. I didn’t request it myself, but Dr G must have. We had talked about having a joint session in the past, but only an hour before this phonecall I was talking to my therapist and she agreed that we should wait a while longer before we do. So I’m scared. I’m going into a room with both my partner and my psychiatrist and I have no idea what is going to be said by either of them and unless my head starts working any time soon, I’m not going to have any idea of what I’m going to say either. I want to know why Dr G suddenly requested this meeting. What prompted her to do so? Questions like this are floating around my head and I can’t make head nor tail of them. I just feel lost in this thought soup.

The second meeting is the most important. It is the meeting with the CMHT. The meeting I’ve been waiting weeks for. Two people will arrive at my house and expect me to recall everything that has been going on in the last few months. Hell, they’ll probably want everything that has been going on in the past year or longer! I don’t know where to start. I am preoccupied by this constant suicidal thinking. I am preoccupied by my inability to think. I am meant to try and convince these people I need support and that they can support me, yet I don’t know what will happen. I suspect I will go into automatic coping mode, pretend I’m fine and they’ll go away wondering why they’d been told to come and assess me.

I just know that tonight is going to be a long one. The anxiety is building and it makes me feel sick.

Written by intothesystem

Monday, 18th May 2009 at 5:26 pm

13 Responses

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  1. I hope for the morning appointment you will be okay since you will be in familiar surroundings with someone you know, both Dr G and your partner.

    I can understand your anxieties about the afternoon appointment with the CMHT. I am personally not looking forward to going back under them if they take me on because it always feels no matter what I say it never comes out right or it feels like what I am saying they must be hearing something completely different.

    Concentrate on the one appointment first, get the morning over with and then focus on the afternoon… I am sure you will come through both okay and I shall be thinking of you x

    Alison

    Monday, 18th May 2009 at 5:47 pm

  2. I hope these went well for you today.

    DeeDee Ramona

    Monday, 18th May 2009 at 8:54 pm

  3. Good luck you. Wish I had something helpful to say. I’ve done family therapy in the past which I know isn’t identical but similar (?) Hope it goes well. Text if you need xx

    eccedentesiast

    Monday, 18th May 2009 at 9:05 pm

  4. Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.

    xx

    Kate

    Monday, 18th May 2009 at 9:10 pm

  5. Good luck with your appointments. You could go back over the archives of this blog and build a list of events as a starting point.

    James

    Tuesday, 19th May 2009 at 8:37 am

  6. When I had a Priory (a different Priory I assume!) therapist and psychiatrist, they’d invite my mother in for the first 5 minutes of sessions regularly, and it really frustrated me. My therapist told me that she likes to do it with the significant others in everyone’s lives, however old they are – parents, husbands, boyfriends, whoever’s closest, because it’s good to get a perspective on how you’ve seemed from someone who’s close to you. The sudden appointment may also simply be due to your therapist and psychiatrist not communicating about the conversation she had with you. Try not to worry.

    Good luck! xx

    in-the-margins

    Tuesday, 19th May 2009 at 11:07 am

  7. Hope it goes well today, and you’re not too nervous. XXX

    Karita

    Tuesday, 19th May 2009 at 11:16 am

  8. Hope things went well for you.

    DeeDee Ramona

    Tuesday, 19th May 2009 at 7:36 pm

  9. Really hope that the meetings went well for you. Hannah X

    colouredmind

    Tuesday, 19th May 2009 at 9:49 pm

  10. Good luck, thoughts are with you xx

    perfectdefect

    Wednesday, 20th May 2009 at 12:24 pm

  11. I just wanted to say – All of you guys that keep commenting on my miserable posts, thanks so much for the support. I am a bit slow at replying to you all, but I do appreciate your thoughts.

    Take care all xx

    intothesystem

    Thursday, 21st May 2009 at 11:11 pm


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