Into the system…

blogging, work, mental health, therapy, disability, benefits and more…

Glastonbury…

with 6 comments

Yes, I return. I’ve spent the last week in the never, never land that is Glastonbury Festival and I’m back and exhausted.

Aethelread suggests that it wasn’t the best Glastonbury and I have to agree with him. However, my complaints weren’t with the headliners or lack of diversity in the crowd, more my state of mind and inability to enjoy anything. I spent most of the weekend unable to cope with the crowds, moaning about everything and not being able to let go and enjoy things.

I regret it all now. Watching back highlights I realise what I missed out on. I didn’t make the most of this year at all. I should have tried to forget everything and enjoy the freedom that Glastonbury gives you. I should have let go and just ignored how crap I felt and made the most of it. I should have tolerated the tiredness, my aching limbs and stuck it out. I should have put up with the crowds and not got panicky when I was unable to move for people.

I struggled all week though. I couldn’t cope with the crowds at all and felt myself getting anxious whenever I got stuck behind people and couldn’t move freely. Wednesday was so much busier than previous years and it sent me into a tailspin. I am used to a relaxed Wednesday with no one around. It was definitely a busier Glastonbury than the last two years and I couldn’t handle it all. I’m not sure if I just noticed the people more this year though because of everything that’s happened in the past year. I’ve definitely changed. I used to be at my most content at the front of a massive crowd at a gig. This year, I couldn’t cope with the dense crowds at all and opted for standing way back where I could still move a little.

I avoided the main stages wherever possible, only suffering the pyramid stage for Regina Spektor (my glasto highlight), Lily Allen and bits of Tom Jones and Blur. I spent most of my weekend in the Cabaret tent watching comedy, where it was quiet and you could find a nice spot to sit down. I also spent quite a bit of time wandering the green fields and not enough time actually seeing bands.

I also spent a great deal of time sleeping. I kept falling asleep during the day whenever we sat down for a bit. I don’t know if it was the heat (it was sooo hot!) or my medication but I just could not stay awake. On the Tuesday night before we left and the Wednesday I had terrible insomnia and barely got any sleep. By the Friday I was exhausted and on both Friday and Saturday I was in my tent before the headliners had finished. It seems I go from one extreme to the other in more ways than just my mood.

Then there was the rain and the mud. Everyone seems to think it was a relatively dry glastonbury, but it seems the TV coverage failed to mention the torrential rain on Thursday/Friday and the fact it still turned to a mud bath in no time at all. It certainly wasn’t as bad as two years ago, but I still struggled with the rain. I just hid under our gazebo. It rained really badly on Sunday night too, just as we were about to embark on the walk from site to our car. I was drenched in seconds!

Generally the line up wasn’t that strong this year either. There was very little I actually wanted to see. It doesn’t matter. I don’t go to Glasto for the line up. I go because of everything else, but it is a bonus when the music is good too. There weren’t any real musical highlights this year. No moments that stood out as being truly amazing.

In general, the whole experience seemed a little flat. I did enjoy some bits, but a lot of the time I actually didn’t want to be there at all. I wish I could enjoy things, but it seems even my favourite things have lost their shine.

Being back is difficult too. I don’t want to be back. I never wanted to come home from this Glastonbury. It had been a goal in the distance for quite some time and a reason to stick around and now that it’s over I don’t know if I want to continue. It feels like I don’t really have much else to stick around for now.

6 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. Sorry you didn’t enjoy it as much as you hoped you would please don’t say there is nothing else to look forward to… there has to be something in the near future to focus on… I guess in a way it kind of reminds me of how I was feeling and things I was thinking after my travelling around Europe so please I can understand how your feeling now but I hope for your sake it will pass, are you seeing Dr G again in the near future…

    Sorry about the sleep issues, there is nothing worse than having little sleep over your sleep, either sleeping too much or going from one extreme where you’re so manic you can’t switch off and sleep… I hate that so much, I’m either falling asleep on the sofa or wide awake for days…

    Hang on in there please L, take care x

    Alison

    Wednesday, 1st July 2009 at 6:54 pm

  2. Thanks Alison. I saw Dr G today.. post about it to come. x

    intothesystem

    Thursday, 2nd July 2009 at 4:55 pm

  3. it’s not your fault you didn’t enjoy it, that’s depression’s fault. X

    Kate

    Thursday, 2nd July 2009 at 5:16 pm

  4. Funnily enough, last time I was at Glasto I tended to use the Cabaret tent and the Green Fields as my little oases of calm too.

    Only problem with the Cabaret tent was was that suddenly sitting down in a darkened arena after several days of very little sleep suddenly made me realise how tired I was.

    Zarathustra

    Friday, 3rd July 2009 at 9:41 am

  5. I kept falling asleep in the cabaret tent too! I fell asleep outside speakers forum in the green fields whilst Nick Clegg was on too!

    intothesystem

    Friday, 3rd July 2009 at 12:03 pm

  6. I’m sorry you didn’t have the best time at Glasto, i’ve been avoiding getting a reading fest ticket for similar reasons, gigs and crowds used to be my home but now they’re just another thing to make me anxious. Still, there’s plenty to stick around for even if you haven’t realised it yet. Imagine if next years Glasto line up is all your favourite bands! xx

    thesunshinediaries

    Friday, 3rd July 2009 at 9:46 pm


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: