Into the system…

blogging, work, mental health, therapy, disability, benefits and more…

Trying to talk…

with 10 comments

I have struggled to write this week. I have sat and stared at the screen many times, but failed to pull anything together.

Twice this week I’ve brought up the problems that I mentioned in this post (basically thinking about splitting up with my bloke but feeling that I can’t for various reasons) with professionals and both times I found little solace or support. I tried to convey just how much distress this is causing me, but I seemed to fail. It’s frustrating when you are expected to talk to people about things, yet when you do you get little in return. I need to work this out in my head, but feel stuck. The thoughts are feeding my feeling of hopelessness and of course that only encourages the negative thoughts. It is making me worse yet it seems to be seen as a distraction and not worth talking about.

The first person to fail to help was my CMHT worker who I saw on Monday. I tried to talk to her but found it really difficult. She kept trying to use the “think positively” stick and didn’t seem to want to listen. She also tried to explain to me the effects of mental illness a million times. As if I don’t know them already! I hate being patronised. Generally the whole conversation was awkward. I hope things improve or there’s no way I’m going to be able to work with her long term.

Then on Tuesday I saw my therapist at The Priory. She also failed to grasp how much I am struggling. It was our last session so she was keen not to talk about new topics. It didn’t seem to occur to her that I’d have liked to use the session to help rather than just talk about superficial things. I guess she didn’t want to leave me stranded if we didn’t cover everything.  I don’t know how I feel about it being our last session. I don’t know how useful the sessions have been, but it was always something in my calendar each week. A constant in a world of uncertainty.

Today has been my last day of day care at The Priory. It hasn’t hit me yet but I am going to miss it. I’ve been going for therapy there since October and it has been a big part of my life. I’ve spent over 3 months living there!. I will be back a couple of times yet to see Dr G, but other than that it’s all over. I will miss the empathy and support you get there. I will miss the time out to think. I will miss the food. It is going to be a big loss and I’m not sure how I will deal with it. I know I will have to leave sometime, but I wish I was leaving through choice and because things were on the up, not because of money and NHS politics.

I think I’m going to have to give up now. I can’t write right now. My head is in pieces.

Written by intothesystem

Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 8:31 pm

10 Responses

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  1. *hugs* I’m here for you. Hope it isn’t too hard without the priory, may be to begin with but here is where the NHS really need to pull their socks up.

    Well done for writing this, I know how hard it’s been! x

    Kate

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 9:08 pm

  2. *hugs* I’m here for you. Hope it isn’t too hard without the priory, may be to begin with but here is where the NHS really need to pull their socks up.

    Well done for writing this, I know how hard it’s been! x

    Kate

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 9:08 pm

  3. With Kate on this I hope the NHS pull their socks up and your PCT and Support Worker follow up your care with some therapy for you quickly… I know only too well what it feels like to be abandoned from therapy and I wouldn’t want to go there again, even now 12 weeks on I still have days, especially Thursday where I miss it! I am still waiting on my 121 referral and if nothing comes in the mail tomorrow I intend to call them to chase it up!

    Alison

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 9:40 pm

  4. With Kate on this I hope the NHS pull their socks up and your PCT and Support Worker follow up your care with some therapy for you quickly… I know only too well what it feels like to be abandoned from therapy and I wouldn’t want to go there again, even now 12 weeks on I still have days, especially Thursday where I miss it! I am still waiting on my 121 referral and if nothing comes in the mail tomorrow I intend to call them to chase it up!

    Alison

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 9:40 pm

  5. Effing NHS. Effing Mental Illness.
    I miss you. Be okay L x

    eccedentesiast

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 10:19 pm

  6. Effing NHS. Effing Mental Illness.
    I miss you. Be okay L x

    eccedentesiast

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 10:19 pm

  7. I am sure that when you get used to the way the CMHT do things and they understand you things will work alot better but at the moment it doesnt sound great. Well done for writing. Hannah X

    colouredmind

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 10:45 pm

  8. I am sure that when you get used to the way the CMHT do things and they understand you things will work alot better but at the moment it doesnt sound great. Well done for writing. Hannah X

    colouredmind

    Thursday, 16th July 2009 at 10:45 pm

  9. Thanks guys xx

    intothesystem

    Friday, 17th July 2009 at 8:38 pm

  10. Thanks guys xx

    intothesystem

    Friday, 17th July 2009 at 8:38 pm


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