Into the system…

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So it is official. I am being discharged from The Priory by Dr G. I contacted her yesterday about the outcomes of my NHS appointment and her secretary called me back to say she will sort out the discharge paperwork and copy all my notes to send over to the CMHT. I knew it was coming, but it was still a little weird to know the decision has been made and put into action.

I am really going to miss her support. In a couple of days it will be a year since I first met her and a lot has happened in that year. She has been there through everything and has done her best to help. I wouldn’t be here by now if it wasn’t for her. On many an occasion my promise to her to keep going has stopped me acting. I am not going to say I’m grateful for that, because I still wish I wasn’t here, but I am sure my family are grateful.

Mood wise I’ve come back down from last week. Things started to calm down on Friday and by the weekend I was back to numb, monotonous depression. I’m missing the buzz from last week and disappointed that the promise of hypomania hasn’t been fulfilled, but in a way I am glad it is over. Impulsivity is always a real risk when I am wired like that. The flat depression isn’t fun either though. I am so bloody bored of feeling like this. Able to function, but wishing I wasn’t. Stuck in some kinda half-existence, where I go through the motions but feel so little and care even less. In a way it is better to feel worse, because at least then you are feeling something.

Today I was interviewed for local radio. Next week they are focussing on mental health in the run up to World Mental Health day on 10th October. The BBC came to Creative Remedies this afternoon as they want to feature the scheme on one of the shows. I was a little surprised when the staff asked if they could interview me. I had no idea what I was going to say, but managed to get through it and hopefully with a little editing I will sound half-coherent. I’m not quite sure why the outreach team picked me as I’ve not been going for long, but I guess I come across as fairly confident and talkative in sessions, where as a lot of people are quiet and reserved.

The team were asking me about ideas for advertising and improving the scheme. There are a lot of things they could do with it so it will be interesting to see how things go and what suggestions get implemented. They also want to set up a website about the sessions and to have somewhere to display our work. Of course I have experience in that area, so it looks like I’m going to work on that with P, one of the outreach workers. I think the team are quite keen to make use of my skills!

Not much else to report. Life goes on.

Written by intothesystem

Wednesday, 30th September 2009 at 8:13 pm

3 Responses

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  1. It must be really strange to be coming to the end of the care with Dr G. I was talking about her today to H as they seem to know each other and H was wondering how I came to be under the care of Dr G and what made me go private and I thought back to you and how I’d picked two doctors at the Priory Dr H and Dr G and how you kind of sold Dr G to me and our first phone conversation and us talking about her and you warning her to be nice to me! – I can just about say her name now! Lol

    I suppose you can always keep it in your mind that if things don’t work out with the NHS you can go back to her. She’s is there as a backup you know that the NHS can’t bully you into staying with them if you’re not happy under their care but I do hope things work out with the NHS for you and you get the care you need and have so rightly paid for!

    Now then which Radio station are you going to be on… you didn’t give that away! ;)

    There was something else I was to ask you, how have you been getting on with the Melatonin. Has it helped your sleep at all?

    Take care!


    Thursday, 1st October 2009 at 5:23 pm

    • Alison – Blimey! That comment rivals my essays to you.

      It is very strange to be leaving her, but you are right that I could always go back if I need to. I hope that I won’t have to, but we will see.

      I don’t know if you remember but I wrote her a letter about your suicide plans too as I was so worried.

      Have a look at my fb status if you want to know which radio station it is.

      My sleep has improved on the Melatonin, but is still not brilliant. I seem to have established a sleep pattern, but it’s a little faulty! I tend to get off to sleep okay but without fail I will be awake around 2.30-3am. Then I won’t get back to sleep again for a while. I guess I get around 5-6 hours instead of the 2-3 I used to get.


      Thursday, 1st October 2009 at 7:11 pm

      • I had forgot about that letter… but now you mention it I do recall it. I was kind of out of it back then. God so much has happened in such a short space of a few months.

        I shall check out the FB status and tune in for a listen!

        I am glad the Melatonin is doing something for your sleep, maybe a slight marked improvement. The Promazine is getting me to sleep most nights but the after effects are still not much good especially when I am up at 5.30am and in college the next day but without it I can’t get to sleep. Catch 22!

        Enjoy the weekend. x


        Friday, 2nd October 2009 at 2:37 pm

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