Into the system…

blogging, work, mental health, therapy, disability, benefits and more…

Waste of Time…

with 15 comments

So I saw Dr D today for the second time. My social worker came in with me, along with a junior doctor who looked about 12.

I didn’t know where to start. I had taken some notes with me which helped a little, but I’m not sure how much he actually paid attention. I ended up having to explain most of my notes when he questioned me.

It seems he doesn’t really know what to do with me. He asked about antidepressants again, but when I reeled off the list of medication I’ve tried, he said I’ve pretty much exhausted the list. He decided to just leave my meds as they are. I’m a little disappointed about this. Although my current medication regime is the best combination so far (as in I haven’t gone *completely* batshit crazy on it), it’s hardly doing the job. I was hoping he’d have a suggestion of something else we could add. It just feels that by leaving the meds as they are, nothing is being done to try and improve things.

I brought up the subject of work and when I was likely to go back. He told me I’m still very ill and that I shouldn’t try to run before I can walk. Clichéd I know. I still find it weird when I’m told that I’m seriously ill. I guess as much as I do know differently, I still have those niggling thoughts that mental illness isn’t real illness. Everyone else’s prejudices still rub off on your subconscious.

I tried to push the subject saying that work were interested to know when I was likely to start a return to work. He just told me not to think about work. He just said the usual things about mental illness not having any exact time-scales. Apparently the CMHT are trying to get me better as fast as they can. I’m not exactly convinced. It feels like nothing has been done to try and get me better so far.

I also brought up driving and he just reiterated the need for me to be “stable”. He didn’t give any indication of what that means, just that I am not well enough to drive at the moment. Apparently all of these things will just happen when I am well again and I shouldn’t think about them. Easier said than done.

I mentioned the EAP therapy and he agreed that it might be helpful for me to have some support whilst waiting for the Enhanced Day Therapies referral to come through. Useless social worker, J was meant to chase up my EDT referral but hasn’t, so we shall see if she does it now she’s been reminded by Dr D. I think he was quite pleased to hear this about temporary therapy because it meant he didn’t have to do anything now himself!

The appointment didn’t last long and just felt like a complete waste of time. Apparently I will see him again early next year. No doubt it will be more of the same.

Regarding the EAP service. Yesterday, I was contacted by one of their counsellors to book an appointment. Unfortunately they were based in Liverpool, which is a two hour trek by bus from here (train would cost me money, bus is free!). I contacted the EAP today to ask if there was anyone I could see in Manchester. They’d linked me to someone in Liverpool because my address comes under Warrington, but Manchester is actually much easier and closer. Unfortunately all of their counsellors in Manchester are currently unavailable, but one comes back from holiday at the end of the week so they are going to ask them then. I guess we shall have to see what happens. If they can’t do it then I will probably give the Liverpool guy a go, but I’m not sure if it will be worth it with all the travelling.

Meh. I really feel crap now. Headache is raging (come on Propanolol! Work!!) and I just feel really demoralised by the crapness of the CMHT.

Written by intothesystem

Tuesday, 24th November 2009 at 6:31 pm

15 Responses

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  1. I’m curious so please humour me and I don’t mean to be patronising but what do you do to help yourself self managementwise. In my experience CMHT’s don’t get people better, people get ill, some find meds useful, some find the time off useful to evaluate their life and workout what contributed to them becoming unwell, but ultimately they do all the hard work, they work out how to look after themselves better, keep themselves well and rejoin society (not in such a straight line always) :>

    J Smith

    Tuesday, 24th November 2009 at 6:58 pm

    • It’s a valid comment. I know the CMHT aren’t going to magically fix me, but I just feel they should be doing all they can to help and that just doesn’t seem to be happening.

      In terms of self management. I guess I generally try to keep myself distracted and busy. I attend Creative Remedies twice a week, which gets me out of the house and doing things with people. I am involved with a few projects and local community groups – doing websites and bits and pieces. I have a dog, so walk her regularly. I try and monitor my mood and write here and privately when I need to. I have had a lot of CBT and do employ many of those techniques, despite my reservations. I am usually pretty good on the eating, avoiding stimulants etc front… I think I am doing most of what I can really.

      It is hard work and I do wonder when it will start to pay off. I just feel like it’s all so pointless.

      intothesystem

      Tuesday, 24th November 2009 at 7:18 pm

  2. I am so sorry the appointment was a disappointment especially after the first one with the NHS sounded like a positive start for you, dare I say it but it looks like today’s appointment is heading in the usual NHS direction of ‘well what shall we do next’ You must be feeling so frustrated as well as fed up with it all…

    Take care of yourself x

    Alison

    Tuesday, 24th November 2009 at 8:48 pm

    • Aye. I am disappointed and missing Dr G, although I guess she had run out of ideas too. At least it felt like she was trying though.

      intothesystem

      Wednesday, 25th November 2009 at 11:24 am

  3. Sorry the appointment sucked hun. To be honest I’m not surprised, all the CMHT have ever done to me is medicate, medicate, medicate. Hope things get sorted quick.

    Karen xx

    karenintheory

    Tuesday, 24th November 2009 at 10:09 pm

    • Hehe. They don’t even seem to be keen to medicate me. Just carry on with the same drugs and wait for therapy.

      intothesystem

      Wednesday, 25th November 2009 at 11:24 am

  4. Hmm, sounds about right. Sorry they are so useless x

    Kate

    Tuesday, 24th November 2009 at 11:16 pm

  5. Drug hugs missy x

    eccedentesiast

    Wednesday, 25th November 2009 at 3:06 pm

  6. I saw someone at CMHT this week, I was told that normal (ie non-introduction) appointments are now time-limited to a maximum of 20mins! And I was speaking to a completely new doctor.
    How is a CMHT supposed to find out what’s wrong when they can only spend 20mins with someone?!

    Keep pushing, then push some more!

    And I’ve heard excellent things from EAP’s all over, best of luck :)

    C x

    phoenix177

    Friday, 27th November 2009 at 7:54 pm

    • I wasn’t told anything about a time limit but it doesn’t surprise me. They’ll be getting like 10 min GP appointments before long!!

      intothesystem

      Tuesday, 1st December 2009 at 3:54 pm

  7. *hugs*

    DeeDee Ramona

    Saturday, 28th November 2009 at 5:43 pm

  8. Not sure what to say that other haven’t already said. But hugs, kisses from one mental person to another, and if you ever need a break you can alway pop down on a train to London and have a laugh with me. If you catch me on a hypomanic day I’ll make you laugh alright. :P

    Karita

    Sunday, 29th November 2009 at 3:20 pm

  9. […] my last proper post I mentioned the EAP and the fact I was being referred to a therapist nearer to here. An appointment […]

    EAP Therapy… « Into the system…

    Tuesday, 8th December 2009 at 3:33 pm


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