Into the system…

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Posts Tagged ‘dread

Two Thousand and Nine…

with 7 comments

In about an hour the clock will roll around to midnight and it will be the start of a new year. It will be 2009. I am not sure I want to see it, but I am too late to change that now. I am trying to be hopeful that 2009 will be better than 2008. I am trying to see the positives. I have survived 2008. I am not sure I am glad about this. I know I should be, but I am not sure I feel it in my bones. I’m not sure I feel it in my heart.

I should be glad to see the back of 2008, but all I feel is dread for 2009. Dread for the future. Dread of this endless depression and pointless battle. Pointless existence. I don’t want to keep putting up with this life. I don’t want a new year if it is not going to bring about a new me, a new life, new hope. I have no hope.

I hate how fatalistic this sounds. I hate how pessimistic I have become. I hate how depression has made me. I hate it all.

I will see 2009. I will keep going. I just don’t want to.

Written by intothesystem

Thursday, 1st January 2009 at 12:08 am