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Posts Tagged ‘twitter

Other things…

with 7 comments

Aside from the therapy assessment, there is a whole host of other things that I want to write about. I don’t really know where to start, but I’m going to have a go, because I think it may help me to get some of these thoughts down at last.

I need to start giving myself some more time. I’ve taken a twitter hiatus lately to try and free up some time, but it doesn’t seem to have made any difference. If I was spending an hour a day or whatever (probably more like 3 if I’m honest!) on twitter, I want to know why I don’t have an extra hour spare each day?

I am not sure if I prefer to have twitter in my life or not. Leaving twitter should at least reduce the number of arguments with the bloke – twitter is quite often the trigger for them, but whether or not it really has remains to be seen. He will probably just find something else to criticise. If he gets to win the argument on twitter, he will go back to trying to get me to completely stop blogging as well.

It should in theory give me more time to do other things, but I don’t think it has made much difference. It is very much true that whatever you have to do, will always expand itself to fill however much time you have to do it in. It is the same in that I haven’t worked for 2 years, yet I seem to have filled my time with other things. I don’t quite know how I would squeeze work back into my life, although I’d work out how to somehow I guess.

I do feel like I’ve lost something without twitter. It gave me two things. A feed of interesting information about the world in general and a more personal support group from the madosphere. I am missing both of these for different reasons.

The lack of general stuff leaves me feeling just a little bit behind. Twitter is great in that it can keep you up to date with things, real time. I have to go to more effort to find out things and to keep on top of the latest goings on. If a band that I follow releases tour dates, they will usually tweet about it. Now I have to wait until I spot them on some listings or on their website. If someone posts a news story about something I’m interested in, chances are I’d see a link to it on twitter pretty quickly. I am having to pay more attention on BBC News to spot things of interest. I guess I can do without this info, but when you are used to having it fed to you all the time, it is weird to go back to having to look for it. Twitter is certainly convenient. You can pretty much find anything on there if you wanted.

I am missing the support group side of things too. I feel that by stepping away I am neglecting people and I really don’t want to do that. I hope that people don’t take my hiatus to mean I am not interested in them or don’t care about them any more. It is not about that at all. I feel like I am letting people down by not being there all the time. Of course I miss receiving the support of my twitter friends too. It is nice to know that there is nearly always someone out there to talk to if you feel like it. It makes the world a little less lonely.

I do miss it, but a lot less than I thought I would to be honest. I can live without it, which maybe surprises me a little. It is convenient though

I don’t know if I will go back, stay away longer or perhaps just change how I use it. Maybe I will go private for a bit? I don’t know. If you are waiting for me to go back though, don’t hold your breath.

I didn’t start out with this post to write about my twitter hiatus, but there we go. It was something I wanted to explain on my twitter feed, but hardly possible with 140 characters. At least by saying it here, I can feel like I haven’t gone without explaining myself.

_______

So what else is there?

Physically, I am struggling. I have been suffering with persistent “tummy trouble” and irritable bowel issues lately. It has been there for months now. I was too embarrassed to say much at first (no one really wants to share their toilet habits do they?) and I thought it would improve, but it just got worse and worse and has been making things pretty rough. Constipation, diarrhoea, both, often with urgency, occasional vomiting, frequent nausea, awful tummy cramps that rival the worst period pain, chest tightness/pain, bloating and lack of appetite… None of which are particularly fun and when it all happens at once it makes you feel pretty awful.

Dr N and I are both pretty sure it is the Reboxetine to blame. I saw the locum last week as Dr N has been on holiday for a few weeks. He got me to have a collection of blood tests to see if there was anything else to explain things, but they didn’t bring anything up. I phoned up for the results on Tuesday and the receptionist reeled off a long list of the ones that were clear, but said I should come in to see the doctor about my liver results. I had a suspicion that this would happen, as it has done in the past. Apparently, one of my liver hormone levels is slightly higher than it should be, but it has been for some time and it is actually a little better than it was earlier this year. The other doctor probably wasn’t aware of this, so wanted me to see a doctor, but Dr N wasn’t worried about it. He did tell me that I should really keep any drinking to a minimum though, as my liver will struggle with any heavy drinking. I don’t tend to drink very often or very much anyway, so this isn’t so much of a worry, but it is a little concerning if I am going to be taking this medication in the long-term. Dr N thinks it will go back to normal if/when I stop taking the Reboxetine and joked that I can hit the booze then, whilst chastising himself for being a bad doctor for saying so. I don’t relish the thought that my liver results make me look like an alcoholic though. It is probably worth trying to be careful for the time being, I guess.

When I last saw Dr N about 6 weeks ago or something, he started me on alverine citrate as an antispasmodic, but so far it hasn’t helped all that much. I am having a few less of the sudden desperate trips to the loo, but still struggling with the pain and diarrhoea/constipation a lot. Today, he’s decided to double the dose, so fingers crossed it will have some impact. I am not sure I can carry on with these kind of problems for much longer. How anyone survives a life of IBS, I have no idea. Hopefully for me this will be temporary and I guess if it is caused by the Reboxetine there is always the option of stopping the meds, but I am not sure I like that idea.

The only good thing about all of this is that I have lost quite a bit of weight. Although that possibly isn’t such a good sign for my health. I put on a stupid amount of weight at the start of this year. Considering I wasn’t eating that much because the food was disgusting, I think I put on about a stone whilst I was in hospital in January and that continued when I came out. I don’t actually know heavy I got, because I stopped getting on the scales when it went over a certain number. I have pretty much always been overweight, although it probably bothers me a lot less than it should do considering my weight is not good for my health. However, over the last 6 months my appetite has disappeared and the weight has been falling off, without much effort at all. I have been more active over the summer, especially when I was travelling, but I think the loss of appetite has made the biggest difference. I often feel too ill to eat and most of the time I could quite easily go all day without eating anything. I am fed, because the bloke does virtually all of the cooking, but if he wasn’t around I’d live on the occasional bit of toast or the odd crumpet. I have lost all of what I put on earlier this year and more. My weight has yo-yoed a lot, but I am now somewhere near the lowest weight I have been since I was about 17. Admittedly, I am still many stone overweight, but I have lost over two stone and getting on for three. My clothes which had all got too small are now all too big. I am fed up of having nothing which fits properly, but I don’t really want to spend too much on new clothes if my weight is still changing. I have cleared a lot of stuff out, but I am reluctant to get rid of stuff in case I put the weight back on. We shall see.

Unfortunately, the way I am feeling physically hasn’t been helping my mood at all. In general, my mood has been dropping off over the last couple months. I felt a lot better during the earlier half of the summer than I did in the latter half and I felt a lot better 8 weeks ago than I do at the moment. At first, there were just a few warning signs and I did my best to ignore them. Whenever I noticed them and started to worry, I tried to stop myself because I didn’t want it to be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Worry that I was getting worse, so I got worse. Unfortunately, that strategy doesn’t seem to have helped much, as my mood seems to have dropped regardless.

I haven’t wanted to tell anyone that I am not feeling so good. I am disappointed that my recovery has stalled and almost feel ashamed. I wanted this time to be the time where I get well and stay well. Instead it’s a return to the old “one step forward, two steps back”. I am worried that if I am getting depressed again, then maybe I am to blame for it all. I wish I had made more of the time when I was well, because I don’t think I really appreciated how much better and easier things were.

I hadn’t wanted to write about it here, because I was worried about what the bloke would think, but he had noticed the drop in my mood, despite my best effort to carry on and pretend that nothing had changed. I didn’t and still don’t want to worry him. I do not want to go back to how things were when I was really ill.

I wasn’t sure I was going to tell Dr N today, but he knows me too well now and I think he could tell before I even said anything. I was there about the tummy trouble, but he asked me about my mood and I couldn’t tell him that all was fine. He seemed sad and a little concerned, but he was reassuring too. I think I feel a little better now that I am not hiding it so much.

Thankfully, although things have dropped off, they are still better than they were a year ago or back in January. Most of the time they are still a lot, lot better, but I’ve been having some bad days. Last Wednesday was really rough. I felt truly awful all day. Cried on and off for most of it and at one point instead of sorting out the huge mountain of washing I’d put on the bed, I just lay down next to it and crawled under the covers for a while so I didn’t have to face it. I pretty much cried myself to sleep, but then woke up in a panic that I had less time to get everything done. We had guests around for dinner that evening and the house was a mess, so there was plenty to do.

Unlike usually when I have been depressed, I am not especially suicidal. The thoughts come and go, but it is not like before. I was chronically and painfully suicidal for so long, I thought it would never go away, but it did. Over the summer, I stopped wanting to kill myself. I had started to see the point in life and recognised that I could have a future where I didn’t feel at mercy to my moods or awful all the time. Thankfully, despite the fact I have felt pretty low at times, the suicidal ideation hasn’t come back with such ferocity. I think I have retained the hope that I can be well again. I had lost that before, but Reboxetine has given me that back. I thought I was always going to feel so depressed that I didn’t see any point in life. There are times when I feel like that again. When I think about relapse, I get so frustrated that again I am going backwards. This makes me feel pretty hopeless and I wonder what all the point is. I sometimes just want to throw in the towel and give up, but I am resisting. Occasionally, I do want to die. A lot of the time I don’t really care if I live. Even when I have been well, that hasn’t really completely gone away, but I am managing. The thoughts pass and for now I can handle them. Hopefully, it will stay that way.

I told Dr N today that I do think there is something in the seasons. He has asked me in the spring when I started to feel better if I thought there was and I said I didn’t know. When the Reboxetine showed the first signs of helping earlier this year, it was at the same time as the weather improved, so we weren’t sure if it was one or the other or both. Often my worst times have actually been in Spring, when most people are starting to feel better. However, I think about it now and I think the seasons do have some form of effect. My mood has definitely dropped in September/October for the last three years. Last summer I was better than I had been during the rest of the year (although still much, much worse than I was this year), but things went downhill from September. The year before was generally awful from June onwards, but it wasn’t until September that things completely fell apart and I first ended up in The Priory in October ’08. I used to struggle in October whilst I was at school too, but I always put that down to an increased workload and the fact it was usually a time for deadlines and the ramping up of rehearsals for Christmas concerts and the like. So maybe there is something in it? I don’t know. I just hope that January/February 2011 isn’t as bad as 2009 or 2010.

Anyway, I see Dr M on Monday. Dr N told me to mention the seasonal thing. He said it is worth knowing and perhaps we should be aware of the rough cycle of my moods as it may help us pre-empt things. I have tried to be aware in the past, but it is hard when you often forget how you have felt before, even when you try and keep track.

He said that she may choose to raise the Reboxetine, but he is worried about the side effects. I had of course thought of this too. I considered doing it myself, but thought I had better see what she said first. I am worried about the side effects too. Things are so bad on that front, that it may not be wise. It’s a bit of a chicken and egg problem, because the side effects are making my mood worse, but to counteract that drop in mood, I will probably have to make the side effects worse. I don’t know what is worst. It’s a hard balance to strike. I don’t think I can tolerate the side effects getting any worse unfortunately. They are trying my patience enough as they are. I had hoped that when I was settled on these meds, the side effects would subside and although some of them have done, the tummy troubles just seem to get worse.

Anyway. I have written enough for now. This is a long post and I must try and get to bed. I have been waiting for the bloke to come home from playing computer games with friends, but he is not back yet.

So Back Here Again…

with 3 comments

So I’m back as an inpatient. Not the outcome I’d hoped for. I won’t go into the details of how I ended up here now as I’m on my mobile and it’s nearly lunchtime but I wanted to let you know. I know some of you already do.

Take care everyone, going to try and tweet a bit as it’s quick and easier than blogging and there really is nothing else for me to do here except stare at the ceiling. Kinda hiding from the rest of the place at the moment.

Xx

Written by intothesystem

Saturday, 9th January 2010 at 11:37 am

Am I Being Fair…?

with 14 comments

A question that is plaguing me and my relationship at the moment.

My partner has been objecting to what I’ve written about our arguments lately. I am not sure he appreciates me writing about our relationship in such a public, but one-sided way. Maybe it is unfair to expect him to sit back without the opportunity to say his piece, but I need somewhere to work all of this out. I need to know if I am making sense. I need someone to listen.

He is of course right that I am only showing my side of the story and I am not giving him the opportunity to defend himself. Maybe I could let him write his own post, give his own argument, but I’m not sure it would be suitable for publication! ;) It is true though that much of what I have written has presented the facts and I am not trying to criticise or upset him with these posts. He did indeed call my illness a “stupid teenage fantasy” and does indeed make little snide comments about my blogging, so he cannot argue with that.

He tells me though that I do not realise how much the things I write hurt him and that I shouldn’t portray him as some big evil monster. I don’t mean to do that. He isn’t. We really do have our problems at the moment, but I don’t think he acts with any malice. I don’t think he gets any pleasure out of annoying or hurting me. He just doesn’t know how to deal with everything that is going on. I’m pretty sure he genuinely tries to understand better, but I am just not sure that it works.

One thing he said was that his sulking is not in any way aimed at me. He said that when he read about me stopping my medication he was really angry and that when he went off to sulk he wasn’t trying to manipulate me, he was just taking time out so he didn’t do or say something he may regret. That seems fair enough. There are times I have to take myself away from a situation. The problem is though I am unsure. Even if he doesn’t mean it that way, it still puts me on the back foot and makes me feel guilty. Of course he says that is my problem and that I shouldn’t think everything is about trying to hurt me. I guess it is my own fault for feeling guilty, but perhaps he should find another way of staying in control and maybe he shouldn’t give me the cold shoulder when I try and find out what is wrong.

When I said that our long conversation (argument) on Saturday night didn’t get us anywhere he was upset as well. He felt it did help and that we were getting somewhere. He argued that I am always seeing the negative in things and that we’re never going to get anywhere if I continue with that attitude. Yes, we did say things that needed to be said, but I am unsure if we actually got any closer to finding a solution. I know that he was trying though.

We had another one of those conversations on Sunday night. He said he’d been making a concious effort all day on Sunday not to make the biting comments I find so frustrating, yet I can’t say I noticed an improvement. This confuses me. Are things really not as bad as I think they are, but because of the negative nature of depressed thinking I am feeling things more acutely? Am I just making things up to taunt myself with?

We seemed to spend a great deal of time discussing the merits of twitter. I do think things have escalated on the blogging-hatred front since I started using twitter more regularly. You may remember that I wrote a blog post about my feelings on twitter about a month ago. I myself was sceptical of its merits, but I have come around because I do genuinely think it is helpful and dare I say it? I enjoy it. I enjoy being in the middle of discussion between an interesting group of people. I like the fact that twitter is taking my blog to new audiences. I like the fact it is quick and I can log my thoughts without having to dwell or develop them.

One of his arguments was that 140 characters is far too little to say anything constructive. I thought that too at first, but I am amazed at what you can actually convey through a few short messages. Thoughts after all aren’t logically constructed into sentences and paragraphs when you have them, so sharing a few snippets can still get across the same message.

His other was that he doesn’t understand why I want to broadcast little snippets of info to a bunch of strangers. He doesn’t really understand why I want an audience on my blog. I know I didn’t really start writing this for an audience. I started as I hoped it would be therapeutic, but I have found it helpful, interesting and encouraging to know there are people out there that care. I have met people who I do genuinely count as friends and I have received a great deal of useful advice and support. I wouldn’t get all that from a paper journal hidden under my bed.

As for twitter and an audience. I only really intended it to be aimed at my blogging audience. Little extra snippets of information for those that already read. Little updates for when I don’t have the words for more. It has developed into a new outlet though and also a new source of readers to this blog.

We also talked about me and my illness. His main argument was that I do not try hard enough to get better. This is an argument I hate, because it implies such a lack of understanding about mental illness, that I thought I could have changed by now. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, it isn’t going to take this illness away. I may be able to ease some of the symptoms, but that will be as far as it goes. Yes, I know that lifestyle changes can be useful and I even know that eating better and exercise can help, but it is not a panacea. The eat better, exercise more, be a better person stuff just doesn’t wash.

He is worried that I am pinning all my hopes of recovery on finding a wonder drug and/or therapy and that I am not going to do anything myself to get better. I am hoping that one day I will find a cocktail of medication that helps. Most of the people I know that have had some recovery have been aided in that by medication. It is often pointed out at The Priory that you should take a three pronged approach to recovery: medication, therapy and lifestyle change. By pinning my hopes for recovery on therapy and medication I am not being lazy, just realistic. I would also hope that the fact I have hopes for therapy (when the NHS finally get their ass in gear) does suggest I want to do some of the work to get better myself. Therapy is far from an easy process and involves a great deal of hard work, work which I am going to have to do.

As an example of how I am being lazy and not trying hard enough, he says that I haven’t done anything to improve my sleep, except take a few pills. I have tried medication, but I’ve been through the sleep hygiene stuff too. Admittedly I’ve made less effort in recent months, but only because I have given up hope. I have spent years swinging between hypersomnia and insomnia, although in recent years I’ve been firmly in the insomnia camp. I have tried all sorts of things and nothing has succeeded in restoring “normal” sleep. What is normal is questionable anyway, because there are times when 4 hours is fine, other times when 4 hours is no where near enough and even times when 4 hours feels too much. Sometimes I can have 2 hours sleep and feel fine. Sometimes I can have 2 hours sleep and feel awful. Other times I can have 7 hours sleep and still feel exhausted. I guess it’s all linked to mood, but I guess it also means my sleep will never be great.

He suggests I need to follow more of the CBT and self-help stuff we went over at The Priory. Setting myself a routine and activity scheduling. I do need to get back into a routine, but it is understandable that things go haywire over Christmas. I know activity scheduling was something that was always encouraged at The Priory, but I never really found it helpful. I also worry that this is just another means for exerting control. He can try and make me follow a routine he approves of and if I don’t stick to it, then he can get angry and tell me I’m not trying hard enough.

His latest suggestion is that I only use the internet/blog in the evenings to try and contain the time I spend on here, but I fear this is merely so he will be around at the time I’m doing it. Of course him being around will mean I will spend even less time on here because the automatic guilt-trip will be triggered and secondly, he will be able to keep an eye on me whilst I do it. When I tried to go online this morning, forgetting this had been suggested, he got angry at me and told me I was only allowed online at night and that I should do as I’m told. I had never agreed to following his suggestion, yet he was determined to enforce it. I am not sure I’m comfortable with his assumption that I will do as I’m told

I can’t remember what else was discussed on Sunday. I don’t exactly enjoy the arguments and I have found my short term memory seems to be pretty selective. Some of the bits that provoke the strongest emotion and reaction stick, but the rest slips through my hands like sand.

I do remember that I gave up before the bloke was ready to stop. I couldn’t take any more of the argument and at 2am or whatever it was I was too tired to discuss anything properly. He was annoyed at this, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to start the discussion then anyway. It would be a lot easier to talk about such things when I’m actually functioning properly.

The thing is now I am confused and conflicted. I wonder if I’m being fair. I wonder if this is all my fault and if I am overreacting. I wonder if I am just seeing the negatives all the time. But things have got to the stage now that I am always suspicious of his motives. Is he trying to make me feel bad so that he can control me? Is he trying to guilt trip me into compliance? Is he just saying all of this to get his own way?

I wonder if anything will ever change. I really don’t know what to do.

Alison suggested on my last post we had some time apart and it is something I have thought about a lot myself, but I do not know how feasible it is. I hope that him going back to work will help. At least it will give us a few hours space. His cold is now improving, but his attempt to get to work this morning proved futile due to the snow. Both routes out of the village towards Warrington were difficult – one impassable and one almost so and he didn’t want to get stuck on the way back, so he turned around and came home. Unless it dramatically warms up overnight there’s little sign of him getting there tomorrow either. We’ve had another couple of inches since he got home this morning.

Even if he does get to work soon, a few hours apart probably isn’t going to be enough to help. Would a temporary separation be useful? It might make us realise what things we miss about each other and it might give me some space to get better. Our relationship was once long distance and it is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I just don’t know if he’d be happy about it and I don’t even know if I could. Things are not good at the moment and I wonder how Dr N and the CMHT will react if I am on my own. I wonder how I would cope. I worry that I would end up in hospital, perhaps not because he would get me sectioned or maybe even not because I couldn’t cope, but pretty much because there is no where else for me to go. I can’t exactly go home – my support is up here and I’d go mad after a couple of days with my parents anyway and I don’t really have any friends I could stay with. I don’t have anywhere else to go.

As has been mentioned before, I don’t think I am well enough to make any big decisions on our relationship whilst I am still in the acute throes of this illness. I am pretty sure things would be a lot easier if I was well. My illness has skewed the power relationship and I think that has escalated the worries about control. I think he wants to control me, because he wants to keep me safe. I am in a weakened position naturally, because he is my carer and ultimately if he wanted me in hospital he could make it so. Before I was his equal and I had things of my own and they gave me freedom. I had my career and my work friends, both of which I have lost through illness. I find it hard because I don’t feel I have anything of my own any more and that only adds to the feeling that I have no freedom anymore.

Admittedly we argued before I was ill, but it is true that arguments are a fact of life in relationships and things have been so much worse lately. The problem is, I can’t really remember the good times. A combination of depression and the effects of ECT means they’ve pretty much gone. I can barely remember our engagement. It makes it very easy to think that our relationship is all bad and maybe it should be over, when really things are just a little difficult at the moment and there is a lot going for us. NYE was our 7 year anniversary. That’s a long time and we must have been doing something right to get this far.

You would be forgiven for reading this post and thinking that our relationship struggles are the only thing going through my mind at the moment, but they are not. These struggles are the thing which I feel most able to write about, but on top of all this there are other struggles going on. I want to write about them, yet I am scared about doing so. The depression is pretty intense, but the agitation is back again and the only respite I have is my appreciation of snow. I love snow and it has been a welcome distraction from the worst of my thoughts. Sadly I know that as the snow melts that respite will disappear and I will be left with the misery that fills the rest of my mind. I do not relish that thought.

Backlash…

with 27 comments

It has been a long time since I last posted. I’ve been popping onto twitter to write a few 140 character updates, but that’s all I’ve had time for. I think the amount of woe on there will suggest how things have been though.

Sadly there was plenty of backlash from the confession about my meds. I had feared it, but hoped it wouldn’t materialise. My bloke was upset. As is often the case when he’s angry, he ignored me and wouldn’t speak to me for a while and then he had a go at me. I know it is understandable that he was upset, but I get fed up of the same argument.

Apparently I don’t want to get better and my illness is all some “stupid teenage fantasy”. It seems I want to think that I’m ill so that I fit in with all my “whiny teenage girl internet friends”. He thinks that we all encourage each other to get worse and that we all want to be part of some stupid mental club. Basically, the argument always boils down to the same thing. Blogging is evil and that everyone that does so is a whiny, faking moron.

As you can imagine, this doesn’t exactly go down well. I try to argue back, but it’s pointless. I can say that I don’t choose this illness. I can say that I am definitely not trying to fit in, but that I appreciate knowing I’m not the only one going through this and the support helps. I can also say that not everyone who blogs is a teenager or a girl and that not every blog I read is about mental illness, but it makes no difference. His mind is set and he will never be happy about my blog.

As well as the argument, he tried to stop me coming on here for a while. He also banned me from meeting up with Em and Kate. We’d arranged to meet up when I had my appointment with DP before Christmas. Instead my bloke took the afternoon off work and drove me to and from the appointment so I couldn’t see them. I hate that he treats me like a child.

I find this so hard. I don’t know what I would do without this space and without the support of my readers, but I am fed up of the arguments. He makes it uncomfortable every time I try and come on here. He moans at me every time I open my laptop. He refers to twitter as “twatting”. He belittles the whole thing and doesn’t see or care how much it hurts me. I have always found the internet a great source of support and he seems hell bent on ruining that.

I’m not sure posting this is a good idea. It will probably only add fuel to the fire, especially so long after the event, but I’m still feeling the consequences. I feel guilty whenever I come on here. I feel like a naughty girl defying her parents, and it shouldn’t be like that. I wish it wasn’t.

I have other things to post about. My last appointment with DP, Christmas, the end of the year/decade… but I don’t suppose I’ll get much chance this week.

To illustrate the point, he just came over, looked at my laptop and saw I was writing. Then said “for crying out loud” and walked off. Just these little digs all the time are making it all harder.

*sigh*

Written by intothesystem

Wednesday, 30th December 2009 at 12:15 pm

Blogging Twit…

with 3 comments

Blogging seems to have been replaced by twitter lately. I can just about manage 140 characters at the moment, but proper blog posts are a little hard. Hence the fact I’m writing about twitter, rather than how I actually feel.

I don’t know how I feel about twitter.

When it first appeared on the scene a few years ago, I wasn’t sure about it and decided I spent enough time on Facebook. I didn’t need another site to absorb my time.

Then all of a sudden it was the next big thing and I wanted to avoid it because of the hype. I am generally adverse to hype. If a band is hyped to death I usually avoid them and the same applies to websites! I also got annoyed at the way it suddenly became this brand of innovation or a fashion statement. Join twitter and show how cool you are! I hated the celebrity culture that became attached to it too. All of this meant I pretty much avoided it like the plague and didn’t want anything to do with it.

But I’ve found that I often have things I want to add to this blog and I just don’t have the time. I thought about setting up some asides (a la Matt @ WordPress), so I can update when I have little time or if I am unable to find the words. In the end though it seemed easier to use Twitter with the WordPress widget. Add a small dose of peer-pressure to the mix and I capitulated. I think I signed up under this account in April. I don’t have a personal account and don’t think I ever will. I guess Facebook still serves a purpose for staying in touch with friends.

I barely used twitter at all in the first few months. I signed up whilst I was still in The Priory as I thought I might be able to keep things updated on my phone. Easier than typing full posts on the little qwerty keyboard of an E71. I kept forgetting twitter was there though and the arrival of a netbook meant I could update here instead.

Suddenly though over the past month my tweets have increased in frequency fairly rapidly and now I’m using it every day. I don’t know what brought about the change. Funny that my twitter frequency has increased inversely to my mood. Wonder if there is anything in that?

I guess you come around to most things in the end though. I resisted for a while but a surrender was always coming.

I seem to be collecting followers and readers now too, which is nice. I felt honoured yesterday that @MarkOneInFour plugged this blog on twitter and I certainly seem to have picked up some followers through that.

Anyway I don’t know where this is going really. I just started writing and before I knew it there was a post. I know I’m really writing this to avoid writing about how things are. They’re crap btw.

So if you ended up here through twitter. Hi!

Edit:
p.s. I seem to have developed a tic with the word “just”. I’ve just (argh!) edited out a million from this post. Maybe I can start a new trend and it will replace the awful use of the word “like” that teenagers seem to love so much these days.

p.p.s. The original version of this was rubbish! Full of mistakes and the aforementioned “just”s. A little editing was in order. I guess the (lack of) quality of writing shows how bad my concentration is right now.

Written by intothesystem

Monday, 7th December 2009 at 5:47 pm